Fear is like a gossamer veil. It distorts what we see, but at the same time it is often light enough to remain beneath our awareness. Oftentimes we do not understand that a situation, an opportunity, or a change is not in itself a terrible thing, that the reason we feel so repelled, so unwilling to face it, is due to the simple presence of fear. Fear of what? We are afraid of many things, but the vast majority of those fears were not with us at birth. We created them ourselves. Our fears are what we make of them. What terrifies us is what we have come to let terrify us. Fear of speaking in front of people, for example, is predominantly a fear of judgment, perhaps rejection, at least in my experience. Where did that come from? It had to be learned. And though a fear is learned, that does not mean it is right–it only means that we have become convinced that it is terrible enough to avoid. And we can be convinced of the most ridiculous of things!

I remember when I was very young I did not have that fear of judgment by my peers. I was quick and unafraid of opening myself up to others, but I can recall that subtle change as the years went by–a frosting of the window, a gradual veil that fell over the unbridled enthusiasm and openness of early childhood. I became afraid of things. Not because they had changed–no, most things in this world remain the same, although the faces and names may be different–but because I had changed, something had affected me and giving rise to that reaction. Had I been more aware perhaps I could have caught it. But I was not so aware, and fear impressed upon me that mark which, even to this day, I have to grapple with. Such a thin thing fear is, and yet how entangling! Like a spider’s web–so easy to avoid if you see it coming, yet often so hard to notice until it is in your face. I believe that fears can be stopped before they can become deep-rooted. We can notice those moments where we feel a faint pull to avoid something–say, when given the option to socialize for a few minutes after class or leave right away, one feels a slight apprehension or tug towards the door. Most would rationalize it and leave. But some catch it, notice what it is, and decide to go against it, not only for the sake of communing with others, but simply for the exercise of catching fear mid-stride and choosing to go against it. Fear, ultimately, is not absolute. It is only as powerful as we let it be, and we give it power by agreeing with it.

Knowing this, fear is not a constant, it is not immovable, and it is certainly not true. Fear lies. And when one carries on in spite of fear, and defeats it, the gossamer veil lifts, and they can see their world changed–only a little different, and yet different enough that everything sparkles brighter.