During my hospital clinical placement I was able to stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) one morning. I was given the honor to see, assess, and care for the most beautiful and precious little ones I have ever seen. They were so small, so new to this world. I saw, and held, the future, these lives at the start of their journey. Watching them sleep, dream, and breathe, hearing their little hearts beating, touched me so deeply. Such purity! Such beautiful fragility! I found myself in awe, struck to tears even, by the simple fact of their existence.

I think it is an innate reaction to the newborn. To want to protect them, to nurture them. They do nothing, just sleep, and yet that is powerful enough to move my heart! I felt so strongly the desire to be kind and loving, a selfless love for those little ones. Before I left I found myself stopping by each one, in their little beds or incubators, and whispering their names, wishing them the best in life and thanking them for touching me. It was such a bittersweet feeling! Love, nostalgia, yearning. And how it made me think . . .

I too was like them, many years ago. I took some time to get going, being premature and with a litany of problems, or so I am told. Staring at those little ones, I saw myself, I bore witness to my own past–the clean, innocent slate I began life as, that untouched, unspoiled well of potential.

I yearned for the best for them. Now I can see me, too. And looking back on my little self, I feel that same way–that boundless, depthless love, that desire for him to have a wonderful life. I look at my life now, and I cannot help but imagine that my little self is watching from somewhere deep within myself, bearing witness to the life I am creating for him.

I want to best for you, little one. I stood by your bedside that day. I held you. I heard your little heart. I heard your breaths and voice. I held your future in my hands for a brief yet interminable moment. And I love you. I want to protect you, I want your life to be a wonderful adventure, filled with meaning, a life like no other. You are so beautiful. You deserve nothing but the best from me. And I will give my best. You are watching, for we are one. I promise you, I will carry you to great heights, I will bring you the very stars in the heavens. For you are my dear, precious past, my little well of perfection and beauty, the precursor to who I am today. I want you to be happy. I want you to live.

Thank you for touching me, and bless you, God bless you. You are worth every moment of this struggle. I will work towards our dreams. I will carry you with me, always.

Together, let’s live a wonderful life.

Sincerely, your brother, your future self, your grateful fruition.