Eternal life advice from one of the greatest stoic philosophers . . .
“No man is free who is not master of himself.”
Epictetus
Self-mastery doesn’t require magic bullets. If anything, it necessitates the timeless wisdom and eternal lessons that have survived the ages.
Mastery requires tools that have stood the test of time.
Some lessons never change. Some applied just as much in the golden age of the Roman Empire as they do today — and those are the most important lessons of all. They come from people of all positions, all backgrounds, all callings, from someone as elevated as the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, to someone as humble as a slave — someone like Epictetus.
Born nearly two-thousand years ago as a slave, over his life Epictetus attained freedom and began teaching philosophy, living out the last of his years instructing at his own school in Greece. His teachings heavily influenced Marcus Aurelius, and have gone on to touch the lives of many of history’s greats.
Here are eleven timeless lessons from Epictetus. These ones changed my life. They can also change yours.
1. Contentment Is Wealth
“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” — Epictetus
When asked who is rich, Epictetus said, “He who is content.” And who is content today? You’ll often see people who are financially rich wallowing in discontent, while some who seemingly have modest means are happier.
Wealth is not just money. Wealth is a mindset.
To evoke the words of Epicurus, “Any man who does not think that what he has is more than ample, is an unhappy man, even if he is the master of the whole world.”
Nothing you gain will bring you happiness unless you have learned the art of contentment: the art of being happy with what you have while in pursuit of what you want.
Contentment is wealth.
2. Don’t Worry Over Things Beyond Your Control
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus
In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with bad news, and where the expectations we hold for ourselves have never been higher, it’s all too easy to be anxious over things we cannot control.
The weather, the economy, stock prices, pandemics ruining your travel plans, wars, politics, what people think, what so-and-so does, traffic, and on and on and on!
Happiness and worry don’t mix. Learn to stop worrying over things beyond your control, and you’ll find more room for the happiness that has been within you all along.
Don’t worry over thing beyond your control.
3. You Must Fail To Get Better
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” — Epictetus
Improvement doesn’t happen cleanly. It’s a messy process. It’s blood, sweat, and tears.
Has anyone flawlessly improved at something?
Has anyone become world-class without a bump in the road?
Has anyone become great without making embarrassing mistakes?
No! No! No!
No matter what you want to improve at, you will need to fail, screw up, fall down, make a fool of yourself — and get up and keep going. We must fail upwards if we want to get better.
- That means not caring what people think.
- That means not giving up at the first failure.
- That means persisting despite how uncomfortable it may get.
- That means staying in the ring.
You must fail to get better!
4. To Learn, You Must Be Humble
“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.” — Epictetus
A humble mind is a sponge, open to what it may receive, whereas a puffed up, conceited mind is as receptive as a plate of AR500 ballistic plate.
Learning isn’t easy, and we make it nearly impossible when we think we understand something already. The ego gets in the way. Pride shuts the door. The mind is closed. This makes it harder to correct knowledge gaps.
What Epictetus would prescribe is Intellectual Humility.
If you wish to learn, be humble, and accept what you don’t know, and be open not only to being taught, but to being corrected. It’s only as personal as you allow it to be. Be humble in learning.
5. Talk Less, Listen More
“Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” — Epictetus
Listening is not only a powerful skill, but an art.
Most people love the sound of their own voice more than any other, and would be content to talk more than the person they’re talking to — yet it’s the opposite we need more of.
- Listening more improves your conversations.
- Listening helps you learn more.
- Listening, really listing, is a tremendous compliment to the other person.
- Listening more than you speak has many smart benefits.
- Listening is a skill, not only for work, but for life in general.
Anyone can talk. Anyone can pretend to listen. Only a few can listen well. Seeking first to understand, rather than to be understood, is one of the more subtle keys to success. Master it.
Listen more.
6. Avoid Blame Like The Plague
“Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness.” — Epictetus
No one wins the blame game, unless you refuse to play it in the first place.
It’s easy to blame others, just like it’s easy to sit on the couch and eat chips instead of going for a run. For so many people blame has become a defense mechanism for disappointment and failure — and blame is what keeps them disappointed failures.
What does blame accomplish?
Nothing, except for a temporary absolving of responsibility — and if we want to succeed, we must take responsibility. Blame is a plague. It’s an energy vampire. It keeps us from reaching real solutions to our problems.
Avoid blame like the plague.
7. Know Your Outcome
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” — Epictetus
A captain doesn’t leave port without a destination in mind — neither should life be lived without a point on the horizon to aim for.
Where are you going? What do you wish to be? While focusing on the process is important, knowing the objective of that process is crucial. So what do you want? What do you REALLY want? What would you be?
Say to yourself what you would be, choose your outcome and make it clear to yourself, then get down to what you must do. Knowing that destination clarifies the steps to get there.
Don’t OBSESS over the outcome. That keeps you from focusing on the process — and as Anthony Moore wrote, the process is what’s under your control, and what will determine your destination. Know what it is, so that it sits there in your subconscious mind, like coordinates in a GPS, but strike that balance. It makes a difference.
Choose your target, then get down to focused business.
8. Associate With Champions
“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” — Epictetus
Our relationships either grow us or destroy us, usually subtly.
Do you know that person who, when you are around him or her, you feel bigger, stronger, life seems brighter, and opportunities seem closer? I think we all meet someone like that at some point: someone who inspires us, uplifts us, rather than pulls us down.
Epictetus saw the importance of associations, and so should you.
Be around the people who make you yearn to do your best, who inspire you towards action, achievement, and growth. Choose your friends wisely, because they will rub off on you, for better or for worse. Toxic people are contagious:
“Other people’s views and troubles can be contagious. Don’t sabotage yourself by unwittingly adopting negative, unproductive attitudes through your associations with others.” — Epictetus
Associate with champions.
9. Your Reactions Shape Your Destiny
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” — Epictetus
While we can’t control what happens, we can control how we respond, and that is what shapes our attitudes, our directions, our results, and our lives.
What happens happens to us all. How you respond is your choice — and the difference between success and failure. Ninety-nine people out of a hundred may let one failure decide whether they’ll do something. One person shoulders through that failure, responds to it differently — and reaps victory.
You have it in yourself to be that special person.
You can choose how you respond to life.
You are in control.
Your reactions will shape your destiny.
10. When You Let People Upset You, You’re Giving Them Control
“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” — Epictetus
Letting others upset you is like giving them the keys to your car — except that car is your happiness and peace of mind.
Worse still, as Epictetus said, we would never hand over our bodies for those we dislike to do with as they please, yet we hand over our minds to them when we let them upset us — and that is shameful.
Think of someone you don’t like and doesn’t like you. Now imagine how they would laugh and find pleasure at knowing you’re letting them ruin your joy and peace of mind just by the thought of them. You’re giving that person power over your state of mind, and they don’t even have to be there!
Why do we do that?!
Why give them that power?
Because we’re not choosing to react in a stronger fashion.
The better route is to let go of this anger, to choose a better response to the transgressions of others. Whoever has wronged you, they don’t deserve to be master over your mind, they don’t deserve that power — and you deserve better too.
Let go.
11. Hardship Makes You Stronger — And Without It, You Wouldn’t Be
“The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests.” — Epictetus
Life without difficulty amounts to little.
While hardship is rarely pleasurable, and while we don’t like being put through the gauntlet, what would we be if life were easy all the time? How strong would we become if we never faced hardship? How smart would we be if we never had to stretch ourselves, dig deep, and push through?!
We both know the answer to that.
As Brianna Wiest eloquently wrote, our minds are anti-fragile and need adversity to thrive.
The trials we face shape us, strengthen us, and contribute to the heroic side we all have, as Epictetus illustrated with his example of Heracles:
“What kind of a man do you suppose Heracles would have become if it hadn’t been for the famous lion, and the hydra, the stag, the boar, and the wicked and brutal men whom he drove away and cleared from the earth? What would he have turned his hand to if nothing like that had existed?”
You are here for a reason — and that reason is revealed through life’s challenges.
You have a hero within you — and it will show itself when times are hard.
You are capable of greatness — but all greatness exacts a price.
When you face hardship, know that it’s there for a reason. Even the ones that are terrible, find the lessons in it, and know that while it may hurt you, you are the one who chooses whether it breaks you.
Hardships can make you stronger.